i'm really conscious that the internal monologue in my head is slower than my actual thoughts.
i can hear the voice desperately trying to keep up with the concepts my mind processes. it's like the thoughts aren't really "true" until the retarded part of my mind processes them into words.
1. that my Reality requires the english language to cement itself,
2. that my Mind doesn't recognize my Reality until it's rendered into that sorta who-made-me-have-to-think-this-way blather.
i'm not sure which, but i think i probably hate both. i'm not sure how to regard my Mind vs. my Reality. if they're the same thing, then at least i only have one thing to hate.
anyway, i'm trying to conquer the demon with perpetual counting and/or abc recitation, but it's tough stuff. i can feel my "accuracy" and "memory" and "attention" falling off...
p.s. yeah i know i'm a moron in a thousand other ways. this one just stands out at the moment.