Labor Day, FU

the good thing about Labor Day:
i don't have to "labor".

the bad thing about Labor Day:
i get a check for 80% of the usual amount, next week.

is there any element of celebration, or "win" in this "holiday"? maybe for the some people, but i'm clearly "lower working class" (if only, in my case, kinda lumpenproletarian) and i ain't happy with this at all.

let's make a holiday celebrating "motherhood" on which we all gang up and beat the crap out of pregnant women!
how 'bout Healthy Food Day, where we're all forced to eat at McDonalds?
Deep Intellectual Thought Day, where our eyes are propped open before succeeding episodes of Jersey Shore?


Yahweh Jehova for GOP nomination!

for GOP candidate, i'm rooting for Yahweh Jehova. he totally fits the bill:
  1. he likes all the rules exactly the way they were 5000 years ago,
  2. believes in the death penalty,
  3. is keen on Israel,
  4. has helped win almost every super bowl and world series,
  5. hates abortion (i guess, i'm taking the churches' word for this),
  6. hates gays getting married (once again, taking the churches' word),
  7. hates communism (taking multitudinous political leaders' words on this),
  8. has no interest in helping the most underprivileged,
  9. was super tight with at least one former president,
  10. has never raised taxes,
  11. has great name recognition.
the only real problems i can think of are:
  1. he apparently thought marijuana (and psilocybin, and coca, etc.) was a good idea.
  2. maybe the born in the USA bit- i know he had a lot of houses here, but was he a Citizen of the United States at the time of adoption of the Constitution?
  3. has he Ever paid taxes? i know he doesn't on all his houses.

yeah, i know i've left out a lot. just the first thoughts in my head.


little-known lines in the U.S. Constitution

little-known lines in the U.S. Constitution

from Article 1:

Section 3:
"No person shall be a Senator who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty Years, and... be a rich old straight white short-haired christian man in a neck-tie, except that maybe 5% of them may except any one of these requirements, a few may except two, and only one may except more..."
[there are virtually identical little-known lines in Article 1, Section 2- The House, and Article 2, Section 1- The President]

Section 6:
"The Senators and Representatives shall receive a Compensation for their Services... this compensation shall be at least five times the public median income..." [later modified by Amendment 27: "No law, varying the compensation... shall take effect, until an election... shall have intervened... and they all shall have been reelected, anyway..."]

Section 8:
"The Congress shall have Power...
"To create a national police force..."
"To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures... and to give this power out freely to independant, unanswerable capitalists..."
"To create vast, impenetrable, Kafka-esque bureaucracies at will..."
"To define words, and to regard natural consensus definitions with disregard..."
"To make illegal particular crops, when such crops are distasteful to someone's great-grandmother or mildly retarded co-worker, or otherwise bring relief to the ill or give pleasure to the mildly sad..."
"To forbid life-saving medications to the people, unless they pay some other old straight white christian man in a neck-tie some money for permission..."
"To recognize non-human, non-physical, amorphous, conceptual phantasms as legal entities, and do business with them, and sometimes give them piles of money for nothing..."
"To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes... and this shall affirm the Congress's authority to do absolutely anything it wants, without regard for other explicit or implicit limitations..."
"To mandate minimum but sub-minimal pay-rates and health insurance benefits and mandatory collections for a federally-controlled retirement account for labor..."

Section 9:
"No Law passed by Congress shall be written in natural english, such that any normal citizen might understand it..."

Section 10:
"No State shall, without the Consent of Congress... keep Troops, ... enter into any Agreement or Compact with another State, or with a foreign Power... except when dealing with native american tribes when they want to build a casino or open a smoke shop..."

from Article 4:

Section 1:
"Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State... but not in the federal government... to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State. And the Congress may by general Laws prescribe the Manner in which such Acts, Records and Proceedings shall be proved, and the Effect thereof..., and whether or not they're quite socially conservative and segregationist enough to warrant acceptance and legal federal protection..."

from the Amendments:

Amendment 1:
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion... but may inscribe the titles of supernatural entities on any federal properties or money..., or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech... except via fines imposed on public-airwaves-broadcasters by unelected officials..., or of the press... unless there are boobies involved...; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble... as long as they're willing to do it miles away, behind cordons, surrounded by tear-gas bearing police..., and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Amendment 2:
"A well regulated Militia... self-protection, hunting, gang-related shootings, high-school massacres, and nut-job assassins..., being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed... except when the state legislatures think it's ok..."

Amendment 4:
"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated... unless the front door is accidentally left cracked open, or the local police can intimidate citizens into it..., and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized... unless some day they pass the Patriot Act..."

Amendment 8:
"Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted... unless one is at Guantanamo..., ...and death shall not be considered cruel or unusual..."

Amendment 9:
"The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people... this amendment shall not be construed as limiting the powers of the federal government in any way..."

Amendment 10:
"The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively... unless the Congress changes it's mind..., or to the people... unless a federal employee feels otherwise..."

Amendment 14:
"1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens... or non-human, non-physical, amorphous, conceptual phantasms... of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person... or non-human, non-physical, amorphous, conceptual phantasm... of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person... or non-human, non-physical, amorphous, conceptual phantasm... within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

Amendment 15:
"The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude... unless the servitude was to the state as a consequence of growing some weed..."

Amendment 16:
"The Congress shall have power to lay... taxes... and... create an almost unanswerable agency with the authority to... collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived... but shall provide huge breaks for the most wealthy, and ensure that those non-human, non-physical, amorphous, conceptual phantasms in the top 1% pay almost nothing... "
"... The tax code shall not be written in natural english, such that any normal citizen might understand it..."

Amendment 26:
"1. The right of citizens of the United States, who are eighteen years of age or older, to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of age... other rights may be restricted as we please..."

(the first stuff i think of, while reading it. yeah, i know i missed a lot.)


odd bits from my family tree

looking through my family tree, i'm a little surprised at some things about the pre-1900s:

  • mens' given names don't seem to have evolved a whole lot over the last 500 years (e.g. "John"). womens' names seem more various.
  • 3/4 of males born since 1450 have been named "John Hall".
  • apparently, you were obligated to have at least a dozen or so babies. (yes, i already know, thank you.)
  • if you had a baby who died, you'd make another baby and give them the same name (usually "John Hall").
  • if your wife died, you were obligated to marry another woman within a few months, and make more babies named "John Hall".
  • ancestry.com seems to think that people born in the Massachusetts Bay Colony in the 1600s were born in the USA.
  • every male child seems to have been named the exact same name as either a parent, uncle, grandparent, or cousin. (usually "John Hall".)


medical marijuana

medical marijuana

of course i'm opposed to medical marijuana!

why would Anyone want to pay a doctor $150 to write out a piece of paper entitling them to buy some leaves for three times the price they can get them for, otherwise?

i mean, why would paying almost $250 for something you could grow in your garden (or buy for $40) be your first choice? is it, seriously? nah.
i guess house arrest [2nd choice] is a good compromise between freedom [1st choice] and shackles [who the fuck chooses "shackles"?].

i'm also opposed to medical paper towels, medical baseball caps, and medical coffee mugs.


"relevant" advertising

watching tv programming on cable tv, i could just skip past all the commercials.
watching tv shows on tv guide and hulu, the advertising is a bit... more difficult... to dodge. but they both offer li'l boxes to indicate which ads are "relevant" to me.
almost none of them are. my discretionary spending budget is a negative number of dollars, per week.
some of the "tech" ads i might find interesting to watch, but i'm never going to be able to afford to spend $250,000 dollars a month for a phone that can text. (not while i can get a better one that does more for $25 per month.)
and no automobile ad will ever persuade me to spend an amount of money that would feed 3000 people for a year to buy a rolling death trap...
and no "insurance" advertisement could ever convince me that i wasn't fattening obese cats with no discernible benefit to myself...
yet these seem to be the most prevalent... it's interesting, to me, that the least socially desirable things seem to enjoy advertising on internet tv the most...
i know that i (capable-of-thought, incredibly poor guy) am not their target audience. it just makes me sad that the audience really is what they think :(
i'm abnormal :(
$250,000,000 yacht for sale NOW, for ONLY $225,000,000!
is this ad relevant to you?
Chemical Weapon WMDs, available NOW, for a low, low price!
is this ad relevant to you?
a wookee fur trimmer AND a dragon tooth-filer!
is this ad relevant to you?
$250,000,000 yacht for sale NOW, for ONLY $225,000,000!
is this ad relevant to you?


2010 in review

in 2010, i
·    kissed 1986,
·    let children get the better of me, and learned from it,
·    discovered television,
·    gained and lost jobs,
·    sat in the cemetery,
·    drove a car a lot,
·    figured out that i'm done—not by choice,
·    played soccer,
·    climbed a high sheer cliff, and fell off at the top,
·    discovered pop music,
·    got old,
·    got to say "go fuck yourself",
·    became even less human,
·    discovered tomato soup,
·    learned to cook meat (and even touched it),
·    quit,
·    forgot about The Dragon and was conquered by The Beast,
·    threw away apotheosis,
·    threw the football,
·    went to the movies,
·    kissed in a parking lot,
·    faked stupidity,
·    felt emotion,
·    fought bugs,
·    got punched a LOT (punch buggy!),
·    got to say my favorite word, over and over,
·    got to get some cool (i think) xmas presents,
·    lost a penny—The Penny,
·    smelled the good smell,
·    drank beer,
·    got crazy stoned,
·    ate Chinese- and was introduced to moo shu,
·    got lost,
·    swam,
·    reacquainted old friends,
·    slept in the tent,
·    cleaned,
·    cuddled on the couch,
·    walked hundreds of miles,
·    woke up early,
·    felt fear,
·    rolled cigarettes,
·    went to the mall,
·    was never spectacular,
·    quit carrots,
·    disappointed almost everyone,
·    consolidated two-people-worth of everything, then had to undo it,
·    read on the deck,
·    climbed trees,
·    walked woods,
·    got to wake up rather wonderfully,
·    learned New Bedford,
·    met a movie star, a governor, a football star, and a hero,
·    got hit on by cuties,
·    Hated,
·    ate lentil loaf,
·    drank martinis,
·    had eggs Florentine,
·    didn't make it to the party,
·    spent days-long periods without ever communicating with another person,
·    read the news,
·    took responsibility,
·    was completely irresponsible