Yahweh Jehova for GOP nomination!

for GOP candidate, i'm rooting for Yahweh Jehova. he totally fits the bill:
  1. he likes all the rules exactly the way they were 5000 years ago,
  2. believes in the death penalty,
  3. is keen on Israel,
  4. has helped win almost every super bowl and world series,
  5. hates abortion (i guess, i'm taking the churches' word for this),
  6. hates gays getting married (once again, taking the churches' word),
  7. hates communism (taking multitudinous political leaders' words on this),
  8. has no interest in helping the most underprivileged,
  9. was super tight with at least one former president,
  10. has never raised taxes,
  11. has great name recognition.
the only real problems i can think of are:
  1. he apparently thought marijuana (and psilocybin, and coca, etc.) was a good idea.
  2. maybe the born in the USA bit- i know he had a lot of houses here, but was he a Citizen of the United States at the time of adoption of the Constitution?
  3. has he Ever paid taxes? i know he doesn't on all his houses.

yeah, i know i've left out a lot. just the first thoughts in my head.

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